First off, DON'T PANIC!! I've seen this before and there is a very simple solution.
1 Grab a couple of pieces of aluminum foil. The ones in the trash that were used to cover leftover casseroles or wrap fresh fish will do just fine.

2 Place one piece of aluminum foil on your head from front to back.

3 Mash the foil down to conform to the shape of your head and fit as snugly as possible.

4 Take the second piece of aluminum foil and place across the top of the head from ear to ear.

5 Mash the second piece of foil down over the first piece making a quick tin foil hat that probably won't hold up for long but will do in a pinch.

6 Stand the two pieces of foil up and fold over at each end to make a cone shaped hat. This hat design will take a little more time, but is worth the extra effort.

7 Place the tin cone on the head and mash it all together above the head to seal out dangerous rays and deflect mind control waves outward.

8 Take lots of pictures to show your progress and post them here on MAAST.









Oops. Sorry. That's not the cure for alkalinity shock. That's the one for alien attacks.