Yeah, they can talk all they want, but without it in writing signed by a judge she doesn't have to do anything or let him have the kids. If there was a hearing, she should have been served some kind of notice to appear. The husbands lawyer has to provide proof of service to the judge as well.

As Joshua stated, take lots of notes with dates/times and if she can, always have someone with her whenever he says he is going over so she has a witness that can testify to what the husband is doing. As Joshua stated and as I have learned through my custody battle, the courts, judges, and officials of the courts still tend to side with the mother when it comes towards child custody, even if that mother has a bad history and the father doesn't. In my case, a professional social worker was hired for $1800 to do a social/home study as ordered by the court. My ex has basically abandoned 3 of her kids, been in jail for various felony crimes, and admits to being on drugs in her past. I have never done drugs (never even smoked a cigarette), never been in trouble with the law, and I have done everything possible to be with my son after I found out he was mine. After two visits with my ex wife before meeting me, the social worker had already ruled me out in her mind! I couldn't believe it. I've had other attornies/mediators review her findings and they say she was just outright biased towards the mother figure from the beginning.

So tell the mom not to give up. The courts will not favor a husband that acts like her husband is acting or the threats he is making. He is treating the kids as property and pawns in his little tantrum and that is a big no-no. Even if he has proof of her cheating on him, all that will help him for is in the divorce part of their case, not in who is a better parent and who is best to raise the kids.