lol poor guy. wait a few months and add some zoos! Your wife could get some small fish while you're gone, just to help the cycle. You could buy it on the web and have them drop shipped to her door. Setup a little dripper bucket and QT tank. With just a little instruction, I'm sure she'll be able to help! PS get her a camera so she can send you pics!
Thank you for serving, we all appreciate it.
Godspeed!