TOO FUNNY NOT TO SHARE
Ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...or that
you
could crawl into a hole? Here are a few stories of people who did
and do...
1) How much for.
>>I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
>>and asked
>>loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I
>>turned
>>around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't
>>say a
>>word... he knew better.
>>
>>
>>
>>2) I think I like..
>>
>>
>>
>>I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
>>I was
>>unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
>>several
>>minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who
>>works at
>>the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I
>>looked at him
>>and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
>>
>>
>>
>>3) Nuts about You
>>
>>
>>
>>My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
>>variety
>>of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind
>>the counter
>>asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at
>>your nuts."
>>My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I
>>turned
>>beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me
>>forget.
>>
>>
>>
>>4) I saw Mommy kissing...
>>
>>
>>
>>While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
>>release some
>>pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of
>>her after
>>receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I
>>told her
>>that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be
>>punished. To my
>>horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
>>threatening,
>>"If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw
>>you
>>kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!". The silence was deafening
>>after this
>>enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were
>>doing.
>>
>>
>>
>>I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank
>>with my
>>daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed
>>behind me were
>>screams of laughter.
>>
>>
>>
>>5) What kind do you want?
>>
>>
>>
>>A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she
>>finally got up
>>to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag.
>> Imagine
>>her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed
>>out for
>>all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER
>>SIZE...".
>>That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store
>>apparently
>>misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS."In a business-like
>>tone, a
>>voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH
>>IN WITH
>>YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"
>>
>>
>>
>>6) For the last time..
>>
>>
>>
>>Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
>>three-year-old
>>son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him
>>constantly.
>>One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between
>>errands. It
>>was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoyi ng my taco, I
>>smelled
>>something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old
>>daughter, and she
>>was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in
>>a while,
>>so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept
>>thinking, "Oh
>>Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes
>>with
>>me.". Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an
>>accident?"
>>"No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
>>because
>>the smell was getting worse. So I asked one more time, "Danny, did
>>you have
>>an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent
>>over and
>>spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30
>>people
>>nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up
>>his
>>pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking
>>me for
>>the best laugh they'd ever had!
>>
>>
>>
>>7) About last night...
>>
>>
>>
>>This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a
>>very
>>embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely
>>think before
>>she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get
>>any....a true
>>story... We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was
>>supposed to
>>have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So
>>Bob,
>>where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?". Not only did
>>HE have to
>>leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard
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